


Staying Single (A bad how-to guide)

by trombonistnicole



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Accidental acephobia, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexual Steve Rogers, Awesome Wanda Maximoff, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 03:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10453746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trombonistnicole/pseuds/trombonistnicole
Summary: The Avengers ship Steve and he isn't interested.





	

    He was getting really sick of it.

    He didn't _need_ a relationship.

    He didn't _want_ a relationship.

    So Steve was starting to get irritated with Natasha and her need to “set him up.”

    Set him up?

    Like you set up a piece of electronics?

    Because, while electronics needed to be set up to work properly, Steve did not.

He'd tried all the regular lines. “Oh, she wouldn't like me. She's not my type. She's just a friend.”

    But Natasha was dead set on getting him a girlfriend. Suddenly, the entire _team_ was dead set on getting him a girlfriend.

 

    1. Tony

      “So Sharon, huh?”

    Steve looked up at Tony. He was sitting across the kitchen counter, leaning on it and watching Steve chop onions.

    “What about her?”

    “Well, do you like her?”

    “Yeah, she's a nice girl,” Steve replied nonchalantly.

    Tony rolled his eyes. “Do you want to screw her? Yes or no.”

    “No.”

   Tony looked legitimately surprised. “Seriously? She's cute, she's tough, she's pretty smart. What's not to like?”

    Steve set down the knife. “Are you interested in her? By all means, try to date her.” He paused. “Or set someone _else_ up with her. I don't really care. She's just a good friend to me.”

    “Well then, you led her on! You did make out with her.”

    Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, I moved to hug her. She kissed me. I just didn't push her away.” Steve resumed chopping.

    Tony groaned. “Steve, stop being so hard to get. Just admit that you like her and do something about it.”

    “I already did, Tony! I already told you, she's a great friend. I like her. As a friend.”

    “You totally like her, Cap. You _like_ her. She's great. You two are cute together. Stop fighting it.”

    “Tony, is it really so weird that I don't want to date the niece of my date from the forties?”

    Tony grunted in frustration. “Cap, I know you're in perpetual ‘I can't be happy ever mode,’ but you deserve happiness. With her, or with someone else.”

    Steve slammed the knife down onto the counter. “Tony! _Listen_ to me! I am happy! I don't need or want a girlfriend!”

    A look of realization passed over Tony's face. “ _Oh._ You're _gay._ ” He paused. “Y’know, that's OK now. You can date guys. Should Natasha be setting you up with guys?”

    “No! Tony, for the last time, I _don't want_ a relationship! I don't _want_ a girlfriend, and I don't want a boyfriend!” He let go of the knife. “Everyone for themselves for dinner.”

     He stormed out of the room.

      2. Clint

    Clint entered the kitchen area. “Hey, Tony, where's Cap and our dinner?”

    Tony gestured to the pile of chopped onions. “He freaked and stormed out.”

    Clint cocked his head. “Why?”

    Tony shrugged. “He's still doing the whole 'I can't be happy ever’ thing, and I tried to help him.”

    Clint rolled his eyes as he opened the fridge. “Of course he is. Also, where is all the food?”

    “I dunno. I'm ordering pizza,” Tony replied. “Can _you_ get through to him?”

    “Hawaiian please,” Clint requested. “And I can _try._ God knows that super soldier is stubborn.”

    “You're a freak,” Tony muttered. “And I hope you succeed. He's the only single guy on the team. Well, except Pietro, but he just woke up from a two-year coma.”

    “We could set those two up,” Clint offered. “Also, Hawaiian is great.”

    “Nah, they're lukewarm for each other. And no, it's not.”

    Clint grunted. “I don't care what you think, but if you don't order a Hawaiian I'll put an arrow between your eyes. Call me when it's here, I'm gonna go talk to Cap.”

    “Overkill much. Good luck.”

    “It's not,” Clint replied as he left the kitchen.

    Clint entered Steve's room without knocking.

    “My goodness! You could knock!” Steve exclaimed, clutching his sketchbook to his chest. He shook his head. “Whatever. What's up?”

    “I'm getting you a date,” Clint stated matter-of-factly. “Come on, what's your type?”

    “I don't have a type.”

    “ _Everyone_ has a type. So what's yours?” Clint demanded, sitting down at the end of Steve's bed. “Tall? Short? Skinny? Chubby?”

    “I don't have a type!” Steve repeated. “J-just leave me alone!”

    Clint rolled his eyes. “Cap, you deserve happiness. So help me here.”

    “Get out of my room.”

    “Cap, I-”

    “Get. Out. Now,” Steve growled.

    Clint threw up his hands. “Ok, fine. Pissy much.”

 

     3. Natasha

    “I thought Cap cooked amazing meals on Tuesday. Why are there pizzas?” Natasha asked.

    “He's acting weird,” Tony explained. “I asked about Sharon and he stormed out.”

    Clint reentered the room. “He got upset and yelled at me.” He walked over to the pizza boxes. “Oh, I love you,” he murmured as he picked up two slices of Hawaiian.

    “Weirdo,” Natasha commented.

    “ _Thank_ you.” Tony grinned.

    Clint rolled his eyes. “What _ever_. How do we set them up?”

    “Uhhhh…” Natasha snapped her fingers. “Romance movie!” she exclaimed. “It's movie night, let's watch a romantic movie.”

    Tony grinned. “ _Perfect_.”

    “Well, since it's my turn to pick a movie, I choose the Princess Bride,” Natasha declared. She picked up a piece of cheese pizza and took a bite. “Perfection.”

    Clint put his hands on his hips. “Who do we send to draw him out of his room?”

    “Uh, how about Vision? It's impossible to be mad at Vision,” Natasha suggested.

    Vision walked in through the wall and Tony shrieked. Clint smiled at the sound but didn't say anything.

    “If I may, I believe that Captain Rogers does not wish to be disturbed. I will not be the one to bother him,” Vision stated. “If you wish to summon him, he usually reacts well to the presence of Wanda.”

    “Cool,” Tony replied.

    As if on cue, Wanda entered the room, supporting some of Pietro’s weight. “Hey,” she greeted. She helped Pietro to sit down on a stool. “Pietro, what kind do you want?”

    “Not picky,” he grunted.

    She grabbed three slices of pepperoni pizza and put them on a plate in front of him.

    “Thank you,” he murmured.

    She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Anything for you, brother.” She turned to the others. “I heard my name. What's going on?”

    “Can you get Steve? He needs to experience the Princess Bride,” Natasha explained.

    “ _Yes_. That is literally the best movie ever,” Wanda agreed.

    “It was good the _first_ time,” Pietro muttered. “Less so the second time.”

    Wanda pouted.

    “Ok, whatever,” Pietro relented.

    Wanda walked to Steve's room and knocked on the door. “Steve?”

    “Come in,” he offered.

    She entered the room and sat down at the end of his bed. “It's movie night.”

    He sighed. “I'll pass.”

    She shook her head. “We're watching the _Princess Bride_. That's, like, the most important thing for you to see.”

    “Fine.” He disentangled himself from the blankets and rose to his feet.

    Wanda walked him to the kitchen, chattering about nothing in particular.

    “There he is!” Tony shouted, grinning.

    Steve wordlessly grabbed two slices of cheese pizza, walked to the couch, and sat down.

    “Jesus,” Pietro muttered. “Cold.”

    They gathered in the living room and turned the movie on. Pietro muttered the occasional comment, but it was always quiet and always in Russian, so it was easy to ignore.

    After the movie, Wanda exited the room with her brother, who was supported by Vision. Tony and Bruce also filed out, and Clint seemed to have disappeared during the movie.

    “What did you think?” Natasha asked.

    “It was pretty good,” Steve replied, starting to leave the room.

    “Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who loved you like that?” she pressed.

    “Are you worried about Bruce?” he asked. “He seems pretty dedicated to you.”

    She shook her head. “No. I'm thinking of _you_.”

    He groaned. “Just drop it. I'm going to bed now.”

 

     4. Thor

    Steve was sitting at the peninsula in the kitchen and eating a bowl of cereal when Thor entered the room.

    “I have returned!” he boomed, spreading his arms.

    “If I may,” Vision said from the couch, “you may want to lower your voice. Some of the tower’s residents do not like to be disturbed at 7:00 in the morning.”

    “Very well,” he agreed, more quietly, but with the same grandeur. “Steven, have you found a suitable partner yet?”

    “Yes.”

    He grinned. “What is her- or his, I guess- name?”

    “Solitude,” Steve muttered.

    Thor cocked his head. “That's an unusual name. May I meet him or her?”

    “Probably not,” Steve grunted. He shook his head. “You'll figure it out eventually.”

    Thor furrowed his brow as Steve left the room. He looked at Vision. “Who is Solitude?”

    Vision turned around to look at him. “I believe he is saying that he would rather have solitude than a life partner. I do not believe he is involved with anyone named Solitude.”

    “Why would he avoid love?”

    Vision shrugged. “He has reacted poorly at attempts to involve him with someone. I would advise against it.”

    Thor shook his head. “Steven must see the glory of love!”

    Vision grimaced. “I would _strongly_ advise against it. I would recommend refraining from such an act and allow him to remain with solitude.”

    Thor pointedly ignored him and caught up to the blond in the hallway. “Steven!” he exclaimed.

    Steve smiled. “Hello, Thor. Would you like to spar with me?” He had almost reached the gym.

    “Perhaps another time.” He paused. “This is about solitude.”

    “I'm proud of you for figuring it out,” Steve muttered. “What about it?”

    “Why do you want solitude?” Thor asked. “Do you not understand the glory of love? Can you not see the beauty of spending your life with someone?”

    Steve opened the door to the gym and entered it. He slammed the door behind him.

 

     5. Bruce

    When Steve entered the gym, Bruce was already inside, jogging on the treadmill.

    “Hey,” Bruce greeted.

    Steve grunted in response.

    “Uh, Steve, is there something going on?” Bruce asked gently.

    He groaned. “Everyone is trying to get me to go out with someone.”

    Bruce hit a button and the treadmill slowed to a stop. He stepped off of it. “Steve, I know it's hard to think about relationships after trauma, but it's worth it. We can help you find someone.”

    Steve stopped himself from raising his voice. The last thing anyone needed was Bruce hulking out. “Bruce,” he choked out. “I don't _want_ someone. I _want_ to be single. Is that so hard to understand?”

    “Is this about Peggy?” Bruce murmured.

    “No. I-I just don't want… that. Just drop it, please.”

    Bruce sighed. “We just want to help you.”

    “You're _not helping_!” Steve cried out. He took a step back.

    Bruce nodded. “Take your time.”

    “Stop!” Steve sank his teeth into his lip. “Just stop!” He fled the gym.

 

    +1. Wanda

    Wanda bumped into Steve, literally, in the hall, sending her to the floor.

    Steve stopped and then knelt down next to her. “Are you ok?”

    She looked up at him. “Are you?”

    “What are you talking about?” he asked.

    She reached up to touch his cheek. “I can feel your distress rolling off of you in _waves._ What's wrong?”

    Steve sighed. “I-I'm just sick of everyone trying to set me up with people or telling me that I need to meet someone.”

    Wanda sat up. “Th-they're pressuring you to date?”

    He nodded.

    Wanda took his offered hand and he helped her up. “Follow me.”

    He sighed and followed her into her room. She sat him down on the end of the bed and sat down next to him. “What is it?”

    “Have you ever wanted romance?” she asked.

    He shook his head.

    “Have you ever wanted sex?”

    “No,” he confessed.

    “Me neither,” Wanda admitted.

    He turned his head to look at her. “B-but you're dating,” he spluttered.

    Wanda pressed her lips into a thin line. “That doesn't mean I want _sex_. I want romance but not sex. Vision can't have sex with me anyway.”

    He looked thoroughly confused.

    She exhaled slowly. “Steve, not everyone wants romance. There's nothing wrong with it.

    “Then why are they trying so hard to set me up?” He let out a dry sob.

    “Steve,” she murmured. “C-can I hug you?”

    “Yeah.”

    She wrapped her arms around him. “Not many people know about it. I think you're aromantic. It's up to you to figure your label. But, please look into it. You're not alone. I _promise_.”

    He let tears leak out of his eyes. “How do I make them leave me alone?”

    She squeezed his hand after releasing him. “I'll take care of them. I'm here for you. Vision will support you, too, if you don't mind me telling him.”

    “You can tell him, but no one else.”

    She nodded. “We'll help you sort this out.”

    “Thank you.” His voice was raw.

    “When I was figuring everything out, I… I wouldn't have figured it out without Pietro’s help. And you deserve that, too.” She kissed his cheek.

    “Thank you,” he repeated.

    She responded with another hug. “Anything for a team member. Well, almost anything.”


End file.
